Skip to main content

Posts

Showing posts from 2014

My Awful Blessing . . .

You read that right . . . The past several months have literally been LIFE ALTERING. I am, however, choosing to look at this situation that I find myself in as a gift that I am not allowed to open.
YET. 

A gift that I KNOW is there. I don't yet know what it is.  I don't yet know how I will use it.  I don't yet know if it will fit.  I don't yet know if it's what I've always wanted. No amount of shaking the box, or tossing out guesses will clear up the mystery. 
So I wait.  
I will admit that there are times when I wonder who I am, now that I am not "Jen with Alterna" . . .  or "Jen with Aloxxi".  Now I am just Jen with JacksonThis 'gift' may not have been my choice, but this much I know . . . I have gotten to spend almost 1/2 of my son's second year/ bonding and just hanging out with him. I would not trade that for ANYTHING in the world. 
I have come to know the generosity of others in immeasurable ways. My friends and family, and THEIR frien…

The Most Humbling Moment of My LIFE . . .

I have found myself in a situation that is completely new to me. It's hard to admit that I am not The Great and Powerful Jen, able to handle everything on my own . . . from behind the curtain. 


EVERY SINGLE PENNY . . .

I created my GoFundMe account 48 hours ago, only days after getting the news that my body needs to be fixed, and mere hours after it hit me that NO WORK = NO MONEY.
In the past 2 days, my friends and family & their friends and family have blown my mind with generosity and selflessness.

This experience has proven to be the most humbling moment of my life . . . but I have a feeling that this is just the beginning. 

UPDATE - With the generosity of a colleague and mentor, I have what I need to get me by for 2-3 months. I have a renewed faith in humanity after these past few days. (Once my short term goal was met, I was asked to take down the gofundme page)

I have been told that being approved for Social Security Disability takes MUCH longer on average than I expected (an…

Jackson's Birth Story

It has been nearly 2 1/2 years, I think it's about time to tell our story.  After all, my experiences on September 16th 2011 have led me down a path that I otherwise wouldn't have traveled.  While Jackson was not planned, finding out I was pregnant was a wonderful surprise.
This will be a very long and detailed story. If you do not wish to read about the details of my birth, please stop here. :)
I had an amazing pregnancy, and felt stronger, happier and healthier than I have felt in my whole life. My EDD (estimated due date) was 9/10/11. At that point, I was feeling some pretty intense back pain, so I was ready to meet my little man. However, he had other plans.  At my 40 week midwife appointment, I was told that if I didn't go into labor on my own by 41 weeks, I would need to be induced.  I told her I wouldn't be doing that. It was pretty disheartening to learn that even midwives offer this type of fear based mis-information. 
Six days later, I woke up feeling some good cont…

I May Be Single, But My Life Is FULL . . .

"Oh, you're single? I'm sorry" "You just haven't met 'the one' yet" "Don't be so jaded . . . not every man is bad" "Don't worry, there is a soul mate for everyone" "You WILL find love again, when you least expect it" "You really need to think about a male role model for Jackson" "What are you going to do when Jackson leaves home?" "Your son can't be your best friend" "Don't you get lonely?"



Among others, these wonderful sentiments have all been offered to me over the past few years, since before I had Jackson.  While I know that every single one came from a place of love . . .  I cannot help but feel a little judged. 
Here is the deal.  There is no need to be sorry for assuming that I am married.  I am not at all worried about finding a soul mate.  I do NOT think that all men, or even most men are jerks.  As strange as it may seem, I have more important things happening in my …

LIFE HAPPENED . . .

It was this time last year that I decided to embark on this journey called RoShamBaby. 
Where has the time gone?  Why have I let so much time pass since my last post?
In the past year, I have . . . 

Smiled Laughed Been Busy Felt Inspired Experienced Joy Began a New Job Felt Overwhelmed Suffered from Confusion Experienced Sadness Divorced My Job Procrastinated Felt Centered Been Bored Traveled Dreamed Cried

I guess it's safe to say that LIFE HAPPENED. 

Well, it is time to get back on track. It is so easy to let life get in the way, instead of making sure to stay the course. For me, it's necessary to embrace the bumps as PART of my life, instead of thinking of them as obstacles. 
I spent the second half of 2013 with writers block . . . thinking that I didn't have anything interesting to say. With a friendly nudge, I now realize that "interesting" topics are relative. 
So interesting or not, I am back :) 
This is not a New Year's Resolution . . . It is the beginning of my new life.